Understanding Why - The Mind of The Perpetrator

One of the biggest questions that many victims go through is why; why would someone do this, why was I targeted, what did I do to lead this on? If you are a victim it is important to know that this is not your fault! When money is involved that is usually the clear reason to why but even then these questions are asked. This article will explain some of the ways why a perpetrator will catfish victims focusing on the psychological aspects, common tactics, and how to protect yourself. It is in no way justifying their actions, even if the reason behind them allows you to give empathy it does not excuse what they have done to you. The purpose of this is to understand that while (unless money is involved) in most cases you will never know why but you can have an idea and hopefully move on.

Understanding the Psychology Behind Catfishing

Before diving into the techniques, it's essential to understand the psychological motivations behind catfishing. Many catfishers are driven by:

• Financial Gain: Many catfishers aim to exploit victims for money, often using elaborate stories to gain trust. The classic example of this is the "Nigerian Prince Scam" but it has since expanded to become everything from arrest warrants to full relationships requesting money for a plane ticket.

• Loneliness: Individuals may create fake identities to connect with others when they feel isolated. This especially became the case during the COVID Pandemic, leading many more victims of catfishing due to the increased online presence and isolation.

• Desire for Control: Some people enjoy the power that comes from manipulating others' emotions. This may be conscious or unconscious but there are people who by manipulating and controlling others, feel like their own life is in control.

• Insecurity and Low Self Esteem: Individuals may feel they are not "good enough" or attractive enough in real life, prompting them to adopt a persona they deem more desirable. This is often used in dating apps with edited photos or photos of others. An example is the movie Love Hard where it worked out in the end but we should not be excusing the behavior.

• Exploring Identity or Curiosity: People may use fake profiles to explore their sexuality or other personal aspects of their lives without the risk of real-world repercussions. Personally, I did this through roleplaying as characters from shows with people who did the same thing so nobody thought that this was the real "me", but many consider that too nerdy and will result to catfishing which can have harmful lasting effects.

  
  

Recognizing these motivations can help you understand why catfishing occurs and how to spot it.

I personally have experienced a multi year Catfishing relationship, and while I still will never truly know the reasons why I have come to accept that the perpetrator, who I intimately knew, has a very traumatic and damaged past. At this point I believe that they are a compulsive liar and that they believe their own lies without even realizing they're doing it. For my situation every single one of these potential motivators above were in place (money was the least of it as through catfish there was never a request for money but the fake personality would often justify the loans to the perpetrator). By sharing this I hope that it shows that these motivators are not exclusive, and when I came to accept these motivations despite no confession it allowed me to recognize that this is not my fault, and that while I can understand their reasons it does not justify their actions.

Techniques Catfishers Use: Warning signs to keep and eye on

Creating a Convincing Profile

One of the first steps in catfishing is creating a believable online persona. This involves:

• Using Attractive Photos: Catfishers often use images of attractive individuals, sometimes stolen from social media or modeling sites. They may also use photo editing tools to enhance these images.

  • These images will still have to be realistic, they will be smaller actors or profile accounts that they believe they can get away with

• Crafting a Compelling Backstory: A well-thought-out backstory can make a profile more relatable. Catfishers often create elaborate narratives about their lives, including fabricated jobs, hobbies, and family situations.

  • Sometimes they will take this directly from someone they are trying to impersonate like in "Sweet Bobby"

• Recent Postings: These catfishing accounts are often new but

  • Will have lots of posts all posted recently to give the illusion of an established account or

  • Will play off being a new account and only have 1 or 2 posts up

• Friends and Followers: Dependent on the situation the others involved can be a warning sign

  • Having a small amount of followers seemingly unrelated is a way to notice flags, perpetrators will often use the follow back technique to try and raise their follower count to make it look more realistic

    • Oftentimes they will have multiple fake accounts following each other to try and give it validity, this is harder to spot.

  • They may have a established 'business account' but it won't have other related businesses following it and will lack links or proof of business.

Building Trust Over Time

Once a profile is established, catfishers focus on building trust with their targets. This can include:

• Frequent Communication: Regular messages, calls, and video chats (using stolen images) help establish a connection.

  • Messages are the most common, it will be used to keep you involved and interested while establishing connections and learning your patterns. They will include photos to establish credibility.

  • Calls are less common, often for shorter periods of time to allow for voice modification, but often used to try and establish trust.

  • Video Calls are a new as the technology to fake it is becoming more convincing, as such it is currently rare but proves a threat.

  • As the relationship further develops (particularly with romance scams) the frequent communication will be a way to monitor, control, and isolate the victim. This is done by

    • Keeping them away from talking to others so they'll be available when the perpetrator is free

    • Having them on the phone so they can infiltrate all your actions around your friends/family and to instigate rifts between those close to you

• Sharing Personal Stories: Catfishers often share personal anecdotes to create intimacy and make their targets feel special.

  • They will confide in recent or current issues to make you invested in helping them and create empathy . These can sometimes be to help encourage the victim to confide in them too.

  • Sharing their 'story' (that was created and embellished) makes the character more believable as a person.

    
    

Manipulating Emotions

Emotional manipulation is a critical technique in catfishing. Catfishers may:

• Use Flattery: Compliments can make victims feel valued and appreciated, increasing their emotional investment.

  • Perpitrators will often build up a victim to then tear them down. At first flattery is used to attract a victim then once it's established they'll say 'this isn't who you are' if you don't do what they want or will attribute your successes to their support.

• Create Crisis Situations: By fabricating emergencies or hardships, catfishers can solicit sympathy and financial help from their targets.

  • Hardships allow a trauma bond between the victim and perpetrator if it is serious enough and even when not will illicit empathy leading a victim them to be more likely to believe the lie and offer support.

    
    

Exploiting Vulnerabilities

Once Catfishers have established a connection to the victim, either before in real life or after learning information they are skilled at identifying and exploiting their victims' vulnerabilities. They may:

• Target Individuals with Low Self-Esteem: People who feel insecure or lonely are more likely to fall for catfishing schemes.

  • It is more easily available to deduce peoples insecurities and use that to manipulate them

    • They are easier to isolate and more susceptible to belief of the character

• Use Emotional Blackmail: Threatening to end the relationship or revealing secrets can pressure victims into compliance.

  • By creating a quick and highly emotional situation like threats a victim is more likely to have a knee-jerk reaction of de-escalation and compliance. If the situation is then brought up again the perpetrator will again quickly escalate to continue having emotional control

Recognizing the Signs of Catfishing

Understanding the techniques used in catfishing can help you recognize the signs. Here are some red flags to watch for:

• Inconsistencies in Stories: If the person’s story changes frequently or doesn’t add up, it may be a sign of deception.

  • They are likely to gaslight you into believing that you made the mistake when pointing out the situation

  • If they have very few connections locally to them it may be a flag that the people they are "close to' are part of the story

• Reluctance to Meet in Person: Catfishers often avoid face-to-face meetings, citing various excuses.

  • Meeting in person will almost always expose them as they almost never use their own image

  • While their excuses may seem valid if a person consistently has an excuse this is a red flag.

• Requests for Money: If someone you’ve never met asks for financial help, it’s a significant warning sign.

  • Asking for money is something that many people feel great shame over and therefore only ask people they truly trust. However asking from only online relations may show a disconnection allowing the ask and scams

  • Not all financial scams are as obvious as the 'Nigerian Prince Scam' but any money requests from someone not in person is a big red flag.

Protecting Yourself from Catfishing

Conducting Reverse Image Searches

One effective way to verify someone's identity is to conduct a reverse image search. This can help you determine if the photos used in their profile are stolen from someone else. Websites like Google Images allow you to upload a photo and find its source.

• These searches will not always turn up even when they exist online. In my personal experience there have been images that did not initially get a result but turned one up later. If you continue to have doubts on a previously searched image check again.

Asking for Video Calls

Requesting a video call can help confirm the person’s identity. Catfishers often avoid video chats, so if someone is unwilling to show their face, it’s a red flag.

• If they are but restrict it to a short time that may still be a red flag as technology advances allow for convincing fake video calls but currently not for a long period of time. You may also be able to trick the technology by asking for sudden strange requests like writing a name on a whiteboard.

Trusting Your Instincts

If something feels off about a person or their story, trust your instincts. It’s better to be cautious than to risk falling victim to a scam.

• Instincts are important and often ignored when emotionally involved. You are not wrong, dumb, or anything negative if you have fallen for this, and it is completely understandable if you are not capable of accepting or acting on your instincts yet but if you are capable of accepting your instincts it is okay to do so.

  • Even if your instincts are wrong, something has led to you feeling this way and that is valid.

Conclusion

Catfishing is a complex issue that can have serious emotional and financial consequences. By understanding the techniques used by catfishers and recognizing the signs, you can protect yourself from becoming a victim. Always prioritize your safety and trust your instincts when interacting with others online.

A computer screen showing a dating profile, highlighting the importance of online safety.

Stay vigilant and informed, and remember that genuine connections are built on honesty and trust. If you suspect you are being catfished, take action immediately to protect yourself and report the individual to the appropriate authorities.