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You Are Not Alone

  • Writer: Lawyers Without Borders student division UoG
    Lawyers Without Borders student division UoG
  • Feb 3
  • 10 min read

Updated: Mar 9

Catfishing has unfortunately become a prevalent issue as technology has continued to develop, as you come to terms with what has happened to you you may feel isolated and alone because of what has happened. I personally have asked myself what I did wrong to deserve this and how could anyone understand when I was just an idiot who believed it. But you are not alone many people have gone through some variation of this and while it is difficult and it will take time you will be okay. This article will give some information explaining the prevalence, linking other published stories of Catfishing, and including some of the real experiences the creators of the site have been through.


Eye-level view of a catfish farm with clear water and healthy fish
A Inspirational Quote Photo

The Importance of Feeling Understood


Every situation is different and we should not be comparing our situation to others saying that person's lasted longer or that person lost more money or anything, but knowing that you are not the only one who has fallen victim to a scheme like this may help. People with all sorts of backgrounds have experienced this from celebrities to academics to professionals to students to children, so the fact that this has happened to you does not make you an idiot or mean that you have problems, it means that other people have learned a developed how to manipulate people on every level for whatever reason they choose to do it (if you would like to learn more about why they may have done this look at our other blog Understanding Why - The Mind of The Perpetrator)


Disclaimer: As with any situation people will give their personal opinions, when you are looking at some of these stories that people have shared of their victimhood there will be those who support them and who understand what they've been through; but there will also be people who can't understand how they could have fallen for something. If looking at these negatively impacts your mental health and increases that sense of hopelessness then please practice discretion. However, know that you are not invalid for having believed something even if it was "unrealistic". The perpetrators of these acts know how to manipulate and especially when you are emotionally involved you will choose to believe things that people who are not emotionally attached will see differently.


Victims Stories


Documentaries


There have been many documentaries showcasing the victims of catfishing


  • Sweet Bobby: My Catfish Nightmare: A 2024 Netflix documentary created from a podcast of Kirat Assi's 8 year long relationship which was a catfish by her cousin

  • Unknown Number: The High School Catfish: A 2024 Netflix documentary focusing on a high school couple targeted by intense harassment from a mystery number.

  • Fanatical: The Catfishing of Tegan and Sara: A 2024 Disney+ documentary where Tegan Quin (from Tegan and Sara) has been the victim of identity theft and an ongoing catfishing scam for over 15 years.

  • Hunting the Catfish: A 2023 BBC TV Special where James Blakes' identity is stolen and used in fake crypto investments. In a fight to get his identity back he uncovers a world of organized crime exploiting slave labour to run their scams.

  • Untold: The Girlfriend Who Didn't Exist: A 2022 Netflix documentary where Manti Te'o's future in football showed promise until a secret online relationship sent his life and career spiraling.

  • The Tinder Swindler: A 2022 Netflix documentary where a group of women who were the victims of a dating app based swindler join together in an attempt to hunt him down and recover the millions of dollars that were stolen from them.

  • Why Did You Kill Me?: A 2021 Netflix documentary following Belinda Lane as she tracks down those involved in the murder of Crystal Theobald, her daughter, using MySpace.

  • Indictment: The Crimes Of Shelly Chartier: A 2017 Canadian documentary that reframes the life of Shelly Chartier as she rebuilds her life after incarceration. Disclaimer: this may be viewed as victimizing the perpetrator.

  • Catfish: A 2010 Documentary filmed by the victims brother and friend as he, a New York City photographer, travels to rural Michigan to meet the woman of his dreams, one he's only known through the Internet.


Reality TV Shows


These reality TV series have been created to showcase and demonstrate how prevalent catfishing has become and help with the investigation of determining if you have a need in catfished. It is reality TV and as such as framed quite differently than a documentary or a real personal telling of a story.


  • Catfish: A 2012 Reality TV Series that goes on for 8 seasons where the hosts, Schulman and Joseph, help emotionally entangled people discover whether their online relationship is real or not.

  • Catfish UK: A 2021 Reality TV Series that goes on for 3 seasons where the hosts investigate potential fake personas on the internet who are trying to cheat gullible people and trick them for personal gain.


Public Postings


There have been many stories that people have uploaded onto YouTube or other social media of themselves or of others who have gone through things and feel the need to share it so that others know they are not alone as well as to inform about the perpetrator so people do not continue to fall victim to them.



News Articles


There are many news articles involving the Discovery of major catfish scandals on a global basis many of which are later made into documentary or have legal repercussions.


Personal Stories


The creators of this site have multiple stories both of themselves and of people they know who have gone through different forms of catfishing, no names are mentioned to protect their identities but the outline of these stories demonstrate how prevalent and how easy it is even for average university students to become victims.


  • My 5 year long Catfish Relationship: One of my exes introduced me to their best friend online, it started as a friendship and grew to love to the point where I requested a poly relationship with this person having never met them. After many complications this did end up being tried and my ex ended it up seeing someone else as well. Both relationships fell apart in 2 years, my ex ended up marrying the other person they were seeing but after some time apart the best friend reached out again so I started exclusively dating them. For the next two years we had a long distance relationship while I was studying and he was deployed in the military, a while that I stayed friends with my ex as they were best friends. There were multiple points that anyone who was not in a relationship would know the truth and find suspicious; the fact that they could not video call me, that they were never able to show up despite the numerous close calls to actually meeting them, though when I discovered the photos given to me were of a celebrity they claimed that was their identical twin. But I was in love, so I chose to believe them. Whatever I would get suspicious or seem to be pulling away some major accident would happen pulling me in deeper. And when I finally couldn't wait any longer the excuses ran out and I was supposed to meet them, someone claiming to be their sister who was put into contact with me by my ex told me of his death. While mourning the loss of someone who I planned on marrying I discovered that my ex is a compulsive liar. They had faked this 'best friend' in its entirety; had faked multiple other deaths before to gain attention and sympathy; had lied about their background, name, and history; and following all of this faked cancer. At this point I had known 'both' of them for over four years and it hurt so I took the time to process. When I pulled away my ex continue to try and pull me back in, when that didn't work they lead up to and re-introduced this fake person claiming the government faked their death. I knew the truth but that small part of me that hoped it was real and the person I loved could be there wanted to believe it. So I continue talking to both of them and tried to let it be true. Of course it wasn't, but I tried, and admittedly it took 9 months to be able to handle the confrontation and even then its because the ex forced the matter. So while I know the truth I still talked to them for 9 months and have only just recently blocked everything, even so it's hard to not go back to them as it's become so familiar..

  • Catfish Fraud for Apartment Listing: This is what I have learned now be a common financial scam mostly perpetrated through Facebook marketplace regarding renting a place to live. They will send you a very realistic looking site with information (in my case mimicking booking.com) but will tell you to send the money through a bank transfer (for me claiming it was a discounted rate avoiding extra fees). I had false identity documents of a person from another country who was supposedly renting his apartment and as the transfer was to someone in another country who they were unable to trace the bank and police were not able to do anything about it or get my money back.

  • Online Dating Sextortion Attempt: While online dating I matched and became very close to someone who I thought was a potential partner, moving off the site we continue to text and plan for a date while learning more about each other. This person continue to ask for nude photos despite being told but that was not something that I did, and while they accepted that they continue to ask and attempted to guilt trip. When the day for the date finally came around they did not show up later claiming to have been hung over but I was glad for it because the night before I had a weird feeling so I went looking into what I had been told about this person before. He told me that he owed a business with his father and had sent a screenshot of his Instagram Business account which had one single post and 12 followers all of which were unrelated. I further looked into this business which did not exist. It was the only source of photos of this person. It is entirely possible that I am wrong and this person is real and just has a terrible business model and cannot show up, however having these concerns is something that is valid and I genuinely feel like if I had shared nude photos there may have been an attempt at sextortion or they may have been posted. There is too much that seems fishy about this situation once it was looked into more deeply.

  • New Profile Instagram Scam: This has been a common problem with multiple accounts from old friends who have become coaches or politicians and current friends who simply have public Instagram accounts. On multiple occasions I have received follow requests and message request for people who I personally know and already follow who have public accounts. When these requests come in sometimes they say that they have been locked out of their account but most of the time they don't even acknowledge that it is a new account, they've put up posts of the same photos that you've already seen and names and information. All of them have started with a "hey how are you doing" "it's been a long time" message and will very quickly send a link saying "I thought you should check this out you would like it" or something about it being a good job opportunity. Luckily for me I do enough that they don't talk like this to contact them directly and let them know that someone was faking their account, but often times those are the links that if you click on them will allow hackers into your information. I also know of people who have had this done to them in an attempt to maliciously harm them to try and get information from them as a 'trusted friend' and use it against them to harm them.



Conclusion


There are so many different types of catfish and different scenarios that's surrounded, what you have gone through is not something to be taken lately and you deserve the support that you desperately need, but you also are not alone. Whether it have been an identity fraud, a financial scam, or a full relationship other people know what you have been through, and you will be okay. The fact that you have fallen victim to this does not make any of it your fault, people on every level from celebrities and sports stars who have teams of people supporting them, to people involved in communication who believe they would have known, to every day university students who thought they had nothing to give, and more have all fallen victim to this.


You are not alone, and I hope that these stories help you to realize that like they helped me when I went through realizing the truth of my own Catfish relationship. If you further would like help or like to connect to some of these people visit our resources tab which includes links for crisis support if you need someone to talk to immediately as well as some support groups and other websites where other victims go to talk to each other about it.

 
 
 

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